Remember Christ's Hands. Strengthen Yours.

Last year, around this same time, Jay Brown gave a lesson on hands.  That lesson changed my life.  Not in a huge, everything about my life changed and I was instantly this awesome person which I always strived for...but in the way where I saw things differently, where I could understand better, the things I hadn't put a lot of thought into.  Today, we had that same lesson.  


The Atonement is something so, so real.  I have found it in my life, I have understood it more fully and have an appreciation for it that continues to grow.  I've not been doing too good with praying every day, reading my scriptures every day.  I've wanted to get back into it, but have kept pushing it to the morning because I am too tired at night.  Then I never have time in the morning and I read while I am at work, or in church; which aren't necessarily bad times to read, it just means I am not giving my study the true, personal, private attention that it needs.  By slipping away like this, I am losing grip of that true, deep understanding I have.  Not that I've forgotten, it is just almost as if I am pushing it away.  I recognize that I am and I have been trying to bring myself back up.  This time around, though, I've been able to step up and act a heck of a lot sooner than I did last time....


"Be Not Afraid" 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FySuVkiit0
So what about your hands?  What scars do you have, what are the stories tied to them?  What are the things you've created with your hands, who have you helped, what have you built?  What miraculous things did you do yesterday with them?  What about today?  What will you do with your hands tomorrow?

I've found myself in a rut.  I hate ruts.  They don't make me feel happy or all that great about myself.  I need to be more aware of what I am doing, of the things I do for others.  I have sucked myself back into my defensive state a bit, where I look out for myself and maybe one other person, but block out what's going on around me.  I don't serve those around me, which is ironic because the best way to feel better about yourself is to serve those around you.  It's my job for Heaven's sake!  I live with 36 other girls to help them, serve them, guide them.  To be there for them in their worst and best times.  I have an opportunity to serve every second of everyday and I haven't been taking advantage of it.  I need to.  I need to.  


Some nights I feel like I need a miracle in my life.  


The Lord is still right here by my side and whenever I pray and talk with Him, I feel Him.  Almost as if He's giving me a hug.  That just happened two nights ago.  It happened last night as well.  He was in my dream last night.  In an odd way, but I recognized the symbol of comfort in my dream.  The issue here, however, is that I am praying when I feel alone or scared or lost or frustrated.  I have lost that nightly prayer.  I promised myself I would never do that again, but here I am, I've lost it.  I know why I've been feeling down.  There are a few things I am able to recognize that aren't helping me emotionally...but there is only so much I can do and the most important is to pray, to read my scriptures, to remember my hands, to remember His.  


I got an e-mail this morning.  I tell you...it could not have been more perfectly timed.  It was very short, extremely inspired.  I had asked a close friend of mine, who is serving a mission, to pray for me.  His reply back was this:  "I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you."   -Jesus  Once upon a time, I had been doing exactly this.  Praying for those who have been against me, that they could open their hearts, that I could have courage, that they may feel peace and comfort in their lives.  Once upon a time, I didn't feel so down.  Now, now, now...I am not depressed here.  I am struggling.  Yes, that's a good way to put it.  I wish I knew exactly what to do, that I could fix everything, that I could understand what, and why everything is happening.  One day, I will understand what is happening and why it's happening now.  I may not be able to fix everything, I certainly cannot, not on my own.


But what I can do, right now, is take the Lord's hand, let Him lift me up and Keep Moving Forward.