So I just had my "first" Public Speaking class. Horribly enough I missed the actual first day and yet, still had to come prepared with a 5 minutes speech of who I am...in a bag. We were asked to bring three objects and I, honestly, thought about it for a few days, then forgot until last night. So that worked out pretty well for me.
Actually, it wasn't all that bad; which is why I decided to talk about it.
To start, I expressed that I am in fact, not one to open up easily and that expressing myself is hard. So, to share who I am with my class, I brought three different ways that I express myself, to myself. To clear my head and to understand what's happening in my life.
First, I shared about my journal. More specifically, my gratitude journal. I have used this journal when I have felt the most down and most surrounded with stress. Last year, I got into a good pattern of using my gratitude journal. Throughout the day, I would look for at least three things I was grateful for. Whether it be my alarm going off, a clean toilet or something bigger like the influence and example of my parents each day.
Second, I brought a handful of Sharpie pens. I. Love. Pens. Even more than that...I. Love. Sharpies. I shared that, yes, I am a little crazy when it comes to pens and I have a box full of about 70 pens with more scattered throughout my room. One could say that I collect them in a way; which could be true. In my mind, I just love that they are metallic, bright and colorful and can bring things and ideas together in ways some people may not think.
Third, I shared my music. My entire life I have performed and sang and acted. Music is also a huge part of my family. My aunt teaches it, her family all performs and acts, my mother is the same way. There has always been music in my family and it's been a huge part of my life. I shared that I am adopted and one of the specific requests on the forms was to be placed in a musical family. Luckily enough, there was a piano in the picture or mention of a piano on the forms that my parents had submitted. Without that desire of my birth mother and the mention of my parents, I may not be in the family I am now or be where I am in the my life now. I shared that music is important to me in a spiritual aspect. Spiritually, I love expressing my testimony through song. It's both beautiful and extremely heart-felt.
To close, I expressed that, while at first glance and first conversation I may seem to be bubbly and very open but I'm a hard nut to crack. However, through the music of life and metallicy ways, I'm just under the cover of a journal.
In reality, I could have done a lot more to make it better and more concise about my objects and explanations, but that didn't exactly happen. I was a little scattered, but such is life. I actually did pretty well for the time I actually spent on it. >.< I fumbled around with my objects which was distracting but I made it through my speech. After the class had all given their speeches, we had a five minute break and of course, a couple of girls went into the bathroom. When I say "a couple" I literally mean two. myself and a girl named Emily. She commented on my gratitude journal idea and we were able to chat for a little bit. She appreciated my speech and my expressions and I returned the appreciation. She was a little more composed than I was, but it was nice to get some feedback from another student.
A funny realization that I had while I was walking back from the bathroom is actually how much I do write. I mean really, I have this blog, I have an online journal, a gratitude journal, my normal journal and about five, seven or so others at home. I am a huge writer. It definitely helps me. Writing is a way that my family and I actually communicates. If there is a problem between my parents and I, my mother will send me a letter, or I will send a letter. If I have a personal issue that I am simply mad about, I write about it, no matter where I am or what I am doing. Typically, I end up ripping up that letter to myself, and sometimes I actually address it. Rarely, rarely....rarely does that letter if it's addressed do I end up giving it to that person. Part of that is the fact that it is in fact hard for me to open up myself to someone; to express myself and leave myself vulnerable. Anyway, writing has been a huge part of who I am. I've always known that, but I guess I never really realized how much it really does help me and explain who I am.
I'm more open now, than I have been in the past. It's not as hard for me to open up to someone. While it's still really hard, there are definitely certain people who I know I can tell anything and trust them with my life and deepest parts of who I am and what I've experienced. It used to be that I couldn't even tell my parents, "I love you." and hug them, that telling my best friends things that I really should have told them was the worst feeling in the world, and not being able to even allow myself to accept certain things. To now, it's a lot easier for me to tell my parents that I love them, to hug them and talk to them about all things in my life, I am able to recognize when I need to tell someone something, no matter how personal it is or how vulnerable it may make me and I'm able to accept myself for who I am and what I've experienced. All of this, has happened and come to realization to me within this past year, and more so, the past 5-6 months of this past year.
Life is crazy, but being able to express yourself, even if there are only a few people that you feel you can do so, is important. I bottled everything up for years, and years and it was hard on me. I have found myself a lot happier, while I've always been that optimistic, enthusiastic one in the group, that sort of "role" has actually made a lot more sense to me as I've looked back at what I've written, and who I've opened up to.
When I express myself, I find that it's easier to Keep Moving Forward
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