Keep Moving Forward: Getting to Know You, Getting to Know All About You

I know this is long overdue, but here I am, finally writing out the meeting of my birth mother, two of my three biological sisters, my maternal grandmother and those associated with them. Though the meeting took place back in December (nearly January), I remember it quite well. I am glad I am finally taking the time to write it all down for the future and all of you who have followed my journey!

Despite the fact that I met my birth mom and sisters more than three months ago, it is still pretty fresh in my mind. I have told the story a dozen times over and I am not sure I could forget something like this. It was truly an exciting thing. I honestly think the build-up to the actual meeting was the more nerve-racking experience; what do I wear (yes, a serious question I had), where do we meet, what do I say, what if they're crazy (just kidding. I know they're crazy because I had months to talk with them prior to meeting!) Scott was more nervous about getting everyone's name right. Minutes before we left to go meet everyone Scott turns and asks me, "Ok, so Jackie is the tall one, right? And who has the little boy, Jay?" No, dear. "I probably should have worked on getting their names right before the day we meet them all..." Yeah, maybe a good idea. For the record, Jackie is my older sister, she and Kara (my sister I was raised with) are just a few months a part in age; Kara being so close in age with Jackie had some influence on Melissa choosing my family to be my family. Between Jackie, myself and Jessie, Jackie is the shortest of the three of us, I am the middle girl and middle height, Jessie is the tallest and youngest of the three of us. So it's perfectly backwards. Jackie and Andrew are engaged to get married and Jessie has a son, Jason (Jay), who is Melia's age. Melissa is married to Stan and Nanna Cathleen came along as well!

Is all of that clear? No? I will post pictures at the end to help you all keep everyone straight!

We had decided that meeting at a neutral point would be best and easier for the kids to roam around a little and play. There was a Nature Center not too far from either of us that we met up at initially. As mornings go, we all were running a little late, just to add to the nerves and anticipation of the day! Scott and I beat the others there by a little while and let the girls roam around and explore a little bit. While time passed, my nerves got crazier and crazier. I was second-guessing what I was going to say, do and everything in between. There were a lot of things to wonder in what felt like forever (it was like 30 minutes). I got a text from Melissa (birth mom) saying they were pulling up, I told Scott and started making my way to the front door, "Do we meet them outside? Do we wait in here and let them find us? What are we supposed to do?!" Just stay here, relax. Cool. Got it. As I turned the corner, there she was. Melissa had just walked in with Stan and we shared a split-second of just looking at each other. I knew exactly who she was the second I saw her; we had sent plenty of video calls to each other, but for some reason, I just wanted to look at her. Pictures don't do people justice. We quickly embraced - 26 years later. For me, I think I was so overwhelmed by everything that I just felt so calm. I had dreamed of this day for years, and here I was, in the moment of my dreams. There were a lot of "Thank you's" said and "This is so-and-so's" and "I can't believe we are all here." After Melissa, Stan and my family (Scott and the girls) all met, we went outside to meet everyone else. Jackie and Andrew, Jessie and Jay and Nanna Cathleen (Cat). This part really tells you how strong family ties are. As we walked out together, I see everyone and start naming in my head who is who. As we get closer, Jessie (my younger sister) literally skips up to me and says, "Ooooh heeeeyyy!!" and we shared a deep hug. Like, hey, we're already best friends and it's nice to see you again. That's what it felt like. I turned around and Jackie and I shared the same sort of moment. We are sisters by blood and had never met, yet somehow, it felt like we had always known each other and always been together. Nothing was missing between us - we are sisters.

I gave Melissa a book that my mom and I had put together of my childhood and life in pictures. It starts with the day I was brought home from my Foster Family and goes all the way up to the weekend before I made contact with Jackie. As we finished our rounds of hugging and meeting everyone, I just thought about how surreal everything felt. I have a letter in my adoption binder from Nanna Cat, saying at the very end of it, that she hopes to one day meet me. That day finally came for her as well. When we started making real progress in my search, my mom and dad kept saying that I should really be searching for my maternal grandmother because of that letter. We knew for sure that she wanted to meet me and my family after I had grown, we were not as sure about Melissa. After making contact with Melissa, I found out that the agency had sent her letters back to her saying that they were too personal and she needed to send them back and have them sound less emotional. That is something that really frustrated Melissa, but looking back at it, for me, I am grateful for that. It allowed the timing to work out the way that it did and I grew up knowing, maybe there was a chance, but also that I shouldn't expect anything to happen. I think that was good for me. In a strange way, I think it gave me hope.

Back to the day of meeting everyone. As the day went on and we bored of the Nature Center, Scott suggested taking a walk outside. Mind you that it was 30 degrees the day we met - in Georgia. It was cold. But we all went out and took a little less than a mile trail around the Nature Center. It was actually really nice. Everyone took turns shuffling around and chatting with each other and I think this is where the ice was really broken. The three kiddos could run ahead and explore the outside, pick up sticks and pretend to fight dinosaurs, while the rest of us enjoyed watching them and taking pictures and laughing. The chatting became easier and the silence less awkward. From here, we decided to go to lunch. We found a place down by University of Georgia campus and ordered our food. I think we were there for a couple hours just talking. The duration of our lunch, we mostly just watched the kids interact and play with each other. As we finished our food, we decided that we should probably take some pictures of all of us together. We walked down to the corner and had some help from another family to get us all in the group shot. After pictures, we made plans for the the next time we would meet and parted ways.

The next day, my parents flew in from Utah. We met up with them and my cousins Christian, Lauren and her husband Tyler for dinner. Christian has been living in Georgia for a few years and unfortunately had the experience of getting hit by a car while crossing the street at night. It was a scary few weeks and a really challenging year as he fought to recover and gain his strength. He is seriously lucky to be alive. The most amazing part of it, I think, is that he has maintained a positive attitude. A lot of real life crap happened before and after his accident and he has stayed so positive. Additionally, he is walking again despite the fact that he has drop foot in BOTH ankles. I really admire him for all he has experienced and I am glad I got to see him while we were there, even it was brief. The dinner was super delicious though. We went to an Asian cuisine house and Christian ordered everything because no one else knew what was on the menu. It was all so good, we ended up ordering a second round of some of the dishes. I do wish that we could have spent more time with him, but our girls got so restless by the time dinner was over and we had about an hour drive back to Donna and Ted's to get them through.

The morning after dinner with Christian, we went with my parents to meet Melissa. We chose a breakfast place that Ted said is the best around. Apparently that is true because we had to wait for 30 minutes to get a table. Granted, we did have 13 people in our group! At this meeting, it was my mom and dad, me, Scott and the girls, Melissa, Stan, Jackie, Jackie's dad Mark, Andrew, Jessie and Jay. Everything happened so fast when Melissa and everyone else got there that I missed my mom and dad greeting everyone haha. We went in shortly after they arrived to be seated. The breakfast was seriously, the best breakfast I have had. Like ever. It was so good. My mom and dad sat across from Melissa and Stan, and they just chatted the whole morning. They talked about the pictures in the book I gave Melissa two days prior, my parents told stories of me when I was younger, Melissa shared stories of Jackie and Jessie. The kids all sat together and giggled over their whipped cream and were entranced with Mark as he made them origami cranes (which I still have!) After an hour or two in the restaurant, we left and went around to the park that was half a block down the road. The kids, once again, ran around wild with each other pretending to fight dinosaurs. As they did their thing, we gathered everyone together to take more pictures. We chatted all the while and as we were getting ready to leave, my mom came over to me and said, "Melissa and I were watching and talking as you and your sisters were taking pictures together. We noted how it seems like you have never been a part from each other. You are all so happy, it just looks natural."

YOU GUYS! IT IS! It was so much fun to have everyone together. My mom was so nervous about meeting Melissa and she told me afterwards, "I could have talked with her all afternoon." It was so cool to have that opportunity for everyone to meet each other. To have the chance to personally express our gratitude to Melissa for what she did for us.

There were definitely a lot of emotions the week we met. I know I couldn't have done it without the support of my parents, my husband, extended family and my friends. I have been amazed at the outpouring of support, love and words of caution as I walked into this part of the journey. I had the chance to see my best friend, Sophie, shortly before we flew out to Georgia for Christmas with Scott's family. She asked me how I was feeling and what was going on in my head. We chatted about it and I really appreciated the insight she had. She told me that, no matter what happens, I have the most amazing family in the world. My parents chose to support me through this emotional journey and even come along with me to meet my biological family. If that was something hard for me to do, imagine how hard it was for my parents to come and meet them. My mom and I talked a lot before we left for Georgia, I asked her how she felt about it, which she replied, "I'm not sure how to explain how I feel. I am extremely grateful for her because she gave me you. But it is also a reminder that you aren't my child. It reminds me that I couldn't have children of my own."

Mom, Dad, you are mine and I am yours. Always and forever. The way I got to you and dad may not have been the way you hoped, but it is the way God planned it. I have never once doubted that I am where I am supposed to be. I have the greatest parents in the world! I can't begin to imagine how hard this entire journey has been for you, but I know how much love went into it. I couldn't have done any of it without you. You have loved and supported me my entire life, and I know that you will continue to do so. I couldn't be more grateful to call you Mom and Dad. Thank you for everything you have done for Kara and me. We truly couldn't have asked for better parents. Thank you for helping me in this scary, exciting, emotional roller coaster of a journey. I love you both!!

This whole experience has opened so much of the world to me. I have since met several other adoptee's who are in the midst of their own journeys. I have talked with old friends who are adopted and have sought my advice as they work their way through their story. I have had parents come to me and thank me for sharing my positive story of adoption with their child; that my story has inspired their child to talk more about their adoption and appreciate the beauty of adoption. Because that's what it is, beautiful. I am proud to be adopted. I am proud to be where I am and proud of the journey it took to get me here. I have always been an advocate for adoption and this has only strengthened my appreciation for who I am. I am so excited to see what else this brings into my life, I am excited to Keep Moving Forward