Week 1:
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| Going to visit Oma |
How much longer does she have to live?" Oh my heavens, that was a horrifying question. My dad just talked about how she must have somehow been reaching through the veil and it was really a question about herself, not Melia. It was a good visit, but it was hard.
After our visit with Oma, we walked back home to meet with Scott halfway and have dinner. With a really busy and stressful last month, I was really needing a break. Some time, just for me so I could just unwind. Two of my neighbors have an online fashion blog and they do giveaways from time to time. This weekend in particular they did a massage giveaway. Guess who won! That's right. Me. I was so happy, relieved, excited, all the things, I cried haha. It was much needed and very well timed. I went in for my massage on Thursday night around 7:00pm and was able to just relax for a little while. The rest of the weekend went pretty well too, so it really helped me settle down from all the craziness I was feeling.
On Monday, Melia spent the morning with Catherine and Maren and was able to paint and color and all that stuff she absolutely loves to do with them. We spent a few hours there and Melia just loves every minute of it. She never wants to leave and is always asking me the next time we can go back to play at Catherine and Maren's house. I think it's the cutest thing!
On Tuesday night, after Scott got home from work, we went to go visit Oma again. At this point, Karen had flown out, Karly was with her up from Provo, Marlin and Brenda were there visiting and Holly came up as well. Heidi was down here from her place. It was time and we all knew it. Oma was bedridden and on Morphine. They were giving her little medications and just getting ready. When we went to go see her, we told Melia it was probably going to be the last time she saw Oma and that she should be nice, tell her that she loves her and say goodbye. I think Melia was a little overwhelmed by the fact that the room was filled with other people, but she was pretty good. I was able to get her to say a little something to Oma and I was able to tell her that I love her. Wednesday morning, March 8, Oma passed away peacefully in her bed. She was welcomed home by her husband, Barby and all her friends and family. It was hard. I was home alone. My mom was out of town visiting Kara and Alex, my dad was on his way back from a meeting, spent the day with his siblings, Scott was at work. I had a hard time that day, processing it by myself. Ultimately, it is a good thing, a happy thing. Oma was ready, she had been and she was tired.
On Thursday, it was so beautiful out that I decided to pack the girls in the wagon and take them to the park. When we got there, like half the ward was there with their kids too. It ended up being really great. Melia got to play with a bunch of kids from the ward, I got to visit with some of the women from the ward and we hung out there for a couple hours. It was good to get out anyway, to have some
Week 2:
This week was much more relaxed and quiet than the week before. We didn't have much planned and what we did have planned was fun. On Friday night, the ward had a Daddy Daughter date night planned. Scott and Melia were both really excited to go! Melia got all dressed up, they went to have dinner, they danced and they had some dessert afterwards. Melia came home absolutely BEAMING! She was so, so happy and excited to tell us all about it. She instantly told me about how she loved when they played "Elsa's song! And Daddy loved when we did The Hokey Pokey!" She told all about how they had soup in bread bowls, and candy in a glass slipper and they had so many yummy desserts. She loved it, she had so much fun, and I just melted listening to her talk about it.
Saturday night, Scott, the girls and I were able to go out with a long time family friend. Greg Fultz. Every year that Greg came out to Utah for EFY or another camp at BYU, he and I always met up for lunch at the Brick Oven. A tradition that has been long running. That didn't change when Scott and I got married, the number of people just grew each time we went. This time was the first in a few years as he went on a mission, went back home and worked for a little while and recently he came back to work and go back to school. It was a lot of fun! Melia was really good the whole time and she took to Greg really well. We met for dinner and all of a sudden we looked at the time and it was past 8:00pm! We closed up our dinner, packed everyone up and dropped Greg off at his place. That kid is so great.
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| Charlie!! |
early for Melia's dentist appointment. The time went by super fast though. We got there, I filled out some forms, Ellie pooped so I had to change her diaper and the second I walked back in from changing her, they called Melia back. When Melia was first called back, they asked if they could get some X-rays for her teeth. I was a little nervous about it because Melia doesn't always handle new things that well. She did totally fine, and they were able to get pictures of all her teeth. Melia was so good the entire time at the dentist. She was calm, responsive and cheerful. They were able to get her appointment done pretty quickly, she got her toy and new toothbrush, and we went home in time for Scott to get home and have dinner.
Week 3:
This week was a little busier and more overwhelming. On Saturday, March 18, we had Oma's funeral. It went really well, it was beautiful and, really it was a happy funeral. Melia kept asking to go see Oma in her casket. Melia just wanted to tell her over and over that she loved her and told her "goodbye" several times as well. Melia is a very sweet, very aware little kid. All us girl cousins sang at the service and it was really nice to do that. We sang, "I Often go Walking" and it was Kimmie, Holly, Stacey, Karly (on the piano) myself and Jen that sang. We threw it together during the viewing time and we were able to pull it together well. All the siblings went up and spoke about growing up with her as their mother. They all talked about how she was always on their side, always loved them, and always loved the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It was really wonderful to hear and remember all the stories of Oma from years ago, and when her kids were young. As a little girl, Oma lived in Germany during World War 2. Because of this experience, she hated thunder storms and had a habit of taking cover in her basement. When I was a little girl, Melia's age, I spent the night at Oma's while my parents took Kara out to Beauty and the Beast. I was sleeping on the couch when a storm hit. Oma's fear of thunderstorms saved my life that night. All I remember was her sweeping me up off the couch and taking me downstairs. We hid under Opa's work table. We were never allowed in Opa's work space in the basement. Come to find out, a tree fell onto the house. Over the very room that I was sleeping in.
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| My Uncle Ron coloring with Melia after Oma's funeral |
Oma loved children, has a smile as bright as anyone you would ever meet, and won't let you leave her place without a treat in hand. She always walked us out and made sure to wave at us for as long as she could see us. I love her, I learned a lot from her, and I will miss her. I am grateful for her life and the influence she has on our family. I am happy that she is home now and back to herself.
This week, I also had a meeting at the high school with the state boys to go over what rings they would like. It took way longer than I thought it was going to take and it was hard with both girls with me. The girls were really very good during the time we were at the school. Ellie kept crawling over to Bryant and tugging on his shoes and legs haha, but he didn't mind. Melia just wandered around the library, had some snacks, talked with some of the boys and had some fun. The boys picked out a really nice state ring and they got it all settled. I will be really excited to see them when they come in.
I went to Costco with the girls this week to get the tires replaced on the Suburban. While the car was getting done, we had lunch and did some shopping. As we were wandering the store, both girls buckled next to each other, I had endless comments on the girls. Ellie was wearing a really cute sun hat that almost everyone that said something, mentioned how cute she was in it. The girls also kept snuggling with each other and hugging while we walked around and people kept telling me they thought it was so cute that they just love each other so much that they have to hug each other, even at the store. It made my heart burst, because it's true. They do love each other, so much more than people see. They are so connected to each other and they always want to be around each other. It's the greatest.
After we got home from Costco, Melia asked if we could play outside. We went out to the backyard to run around and play. Melia got on the swings pretty quickly afterwards and Ellie wanted to try. I
On Friday, March 24, it was all about prepping the house for Kara's baby shower the next morning. I made a ton of cupcakes and a couple of 6 inch cake rounds. I iced the cupcakes with green frosting and one round cake in red and made the Very Hungry Caterpillar out of them. I was quite proud of myself for it. After spending the afternoon baking and decorating, we went over to the viewing of my dad's cousin. She had battled pancreatic cancer for two years and passed away the day of Oma's funeral. It was a really long night already. Scott and I got home, had dinner with the girls, put them to bed and went on our run. When we got back, showered and got ready for bed, I realized that I didn't have my phone charger. I thought I had left it upstairs and went to go grab it. It wasn't there, but my dad was still up watching a movie. He looked awful. He said to me, "I think you poisoned me. The last thing I ate was some of your frosting and I feel awful." He went on to describe that he was really dizzy, could hardly walk, felt nauseated. I went downstairs and told him to call me if he needed anything, but something just didn't feel right. I went back upstairs and asked him some more questions. Dad was really pale, was speaking really slowly and something just felt wrong. I ran downstairs again and told Scott what was going on, grabbed my blood pressure cuff and took it back to dad. His BP was high, 162/117. Scott came upstairs, we asked Dad some more questions and I just kept saying, "Can I take you to the hospital?" Mind you, it was 11:30pm or later at this point. Finally, my dad said to just take him to the hospital, I went to tell my mom what was going on, told her to stay home, the monitor was plugged in on her bedside and sleep. She had a really big day in the morning hosting Kara's baby shower. As we were walking outside, bucket it hand, my dad made it to the grass by the driveway and lost it. He threw up, was very weak afterwards. He went back inside to brush his teeth and then we took him to the hospital. He could hardly walk, and he was definitely not walking straight. We got him checked in, in a room and evaluated. The doctor came in, did some tests and said he was doing well. They wanted to check symptoms of a stroke, and he, so far, was passing the tests. However, when they got to the last few, Dad couldn't do them. He couldn't walk heel to toe, couldn't rock backwards on his heels, and when the doctor laid him back and had him follow his finger, with his head turned to one side, my dad totally blacked out. It was really weird and pretty scary. Because of those things in particular, they wanted to do some bigger tests. ECG, CT scan and an MRI. They gave him some medicine to help with the dizziness and nausea and the doctor told us he thought we'd be there until about 4:30 or 5:00am. So Scott and I buckled down and got ready to spend the night at the hospital. My dad kept his humor throughout the night, he and Scott were able to get some sleep every now and then. While my dad was out for his MRI, Scott went to get us some food because we were really hungry at that point. After the results came back from everything, we were told that it all looked good, my dad was clear and had not experienced a stroke. Instead, he was experiencing what's called Peripheral Vertigo. He was given a prescription for a medication to help. We got home at 6:00am and went to sleep. Scott, the amazing husband and dad that he is, got up with the girls at 7:30 and let me sleep. I got up at 9:30? Maybe 10:30? I don't know, but I just went straight upstairs to Kara's shower. I didn't shower or anything haha. Surprisingly, the day was ok. It was long and we were tired, but it was ok. My dad slept basically all day, but he definitely deserved the sleep.
Week 4:
This week was the most fun. This week was Scott's birthday! BIRTHDAY! I love birthdays haha. The old man turned 27 on Wednesday. We didn't do a whole lot on his birthday, and he knew most of his gifts, but it was a good birthday. He got a new watch from me and one from his mom, surprise surprise haha. He also got some fidget cubes both from his mom and myself. I guess Donna and I were just on the same brainwave when we got his presents. His parents also sent us the entire set of The Illustrated Book of Mormon. He was very excited about those. My mom got him some new running clothes since we've been running together every other night for the last couple weeks and Scott has one pair of shorts! The one real surprise Scott got, my mom helped and we bought him a really beautiful, leather bound, special edition, signed copy of Brandon Sanderson's The Final Empire from the Mistborn series. He was so excited when he realized what it was! He has been totally loving on his book since his birthday hahaha. He just admires it and wants to show it off to everyone. Scott is so funny about his books and I love it! Happy birthday, my dear!
The rest of the week is being filled with visiting with Marla, Ken and Jenea Fultz as they are here for General Conference. Scott and I finally hung the vinyl in the girls bedroom and in ours and we have had his brother's over as well to watch some of Conference. It has been a good week, fun, filled with friends and family and messages from the Lord.
Ellie will be one in a month. ONE! And I don't even know how to handle it. She wants to walk so badly. She will stand, literally for minutes at a time, in the same place. I am not kidding. Ellie will stand and bounce, do squats, but won't step forward unless she has some sort of support. It cracks us up. Ellie loves to to make a babble noise by running her finger over her lips and she loves to snuggle. Ellie loves to eat food, but still only has two teeth so it makes it hard. She loves to drink water, she is very enthusiastic about her bottles of milk and she loves music. Ellie wants everything to do with the tub when the water is on and loves to be in the shower or the bath, as long as it's warm. Ellie loves to be outside, is very curious about animals and especially about her baby cousin Charlie. Ellie loves to be tickled, but only laughs when she wants to, she loves clapping and she is very animated with her emotions. It amazes me at how resilient she is to things and she wants to be just like Melia. She follows her older sister everywhere!
We have had a crazy couple months, and I don't see that changing any time soon. Our family has experienced a lot of death, trauma, and sadness, but we have also experienced many, many miracles. We are blessed every single day. My sister and her husband have a beautiful baby boy, bringing much joy into the family, my dad survived what could have been a stroke but wasn't, and my cousin Christian is healing well and recovering from his terrible accident. As for my journey with anxiety, I am learning how to cope with my anxiety and even on the bad days, I can find joy. This has been a hard learning curve for me, but I haven't been alone in it. Scott has been so patient and understanding as I've gone through these last five weeks of medication. I have felt myself come back. I don't break down, I don't lock myself away and I don't feel like I am losing control of myself anymore. I am able to relax and see the emotions before they can hit me. Through all these trials, we have miracles to lift us up. Through the miracles, we Keep Moving Forward
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| Ellie and her second cousin Aislyn |
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